Team  Bad Touch?
by Sakura Mau Toki
Summary: Or what happens when the Bad Touch Trio are left to their own devices at the expense of others...


**Author's Note: ****First of all; I have no explanation for this except it was another random crack plotbunny that needed to be written which was born from: listening to Pokemon music, reading fics in which America uses China as a pikachu, and that Hetalia episode with 'I choose you; China!' and imagining the Bad Touch Trio as the Team Rocket trio.**

**In sum; you get this. Enjoy! *shot***

**Rating: T+**

**Pairings/Characters: Alfred, Francis/Arthur (onesided), PruCan (Gilbert/Matthew), Spamano (Antonio/Romano), and China. Mentions of the Axis Powers.**

**Warnings: Shounen-ai, Pervy!Francis, language, crack, more crack, and even more crack.**

**^Will be edited when need be.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Pokemon, Hetalia or any of their characters, places, etc. All credit goes to Hidakez Himaryuia and Nintendo/Gamefreak/etc. respectively! This fic was also partially based on the 'China I Choose You!' one so partial credit goes to the fic and its author here: .net/s/6526644/1/CHINA_I_CHOOSE_YOU . The rest is my own, twisted little plotbunny.**

* * *

On one, sunny day in the pokemon universe, we see three new up and coming trainers making their way through a rather large forest to the first gym; one of many on their quest to become pokemon masters!

"You got us lost again, you bloody git!" Arthur growled, glaring at the hyperactive, overly confident blond in front of him.

"Oh please; everyone knows that the hero n_ever_ gets lost! You just have a stick up your ass," Alfred replied confidently, earning a scone to the head as the third member of the group spoke.

"I-I think Arthur has a point, Alfred. Maybe we should ask for directions," Matthew replied timidly, causing the other two to look at him.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Arthur asked as Matthew sighed.

"I'm Canada," he said, his reply being drowned out by his brother.

"Are you talking to your friends again, Arti? I mean _seriously_; they don't exist dude," Alfred said, causing the two to, once again, get into an argument.

"Guys, could you stop?"

"Who says they don't exist? They're more believable than your UFO'S!"

"No way dude; aliens do to exist!"

"Guys; we really need to-"

"Like bloody hell they do! They're fictional!"

"No they're not! It's all a conspiracy I tell you!"

Matthew sighed, getting ready to break them up before a loud laugh reached their ears from the tree branch above them.

"Kesesese, stop right there, un-awesome twerps!" a voice replied, belonging to a silver haired, red eyed albino dressed in a white shirt, with a bright red 'R' on the front, along with white pants.

"...Is that you Gilbert?" Matthew asked, looking at the albino. "I thought I left you at home..."

"You can't keep the awesome me at home, Birdie! Now prepare for trouble!" Gilbert replied, his voice soon joined by another.

"And make it double, _mon cher_~" Francis purred, wearing an identical outfit to Gilbert's as he took his place next to the Prussian.

"Oh bloody hell; not the frog _again_!" Arthur growled, glaring daggers at the French man, the latter blowing him a kiss as he pulled out a rose.

"Dude, so not cool," Alfred said, looking up at them. "If you don't mind, we have important, awesome hero things to do, so we'll be on our way," Alfred said, starting to walk past them before nearly being hit with a rose. "Watch where you're firing those, man!"

"We're not done yet!" Gilbert exclaimed. "And it's not awesome to interrupt someone as awesome as me when I'm speaking to you!"

"Whatever dude; don't really care," Alfred muttered, attempting to leave but being stopped by another rose. "Quit throwing those! You could take my eye out!"

"Not until we're done, _L'Amerique," _Francis replied before looking back to Gilbert. "Shall we continue?"

"Yes we will!" Gilbert then turned back to the group, "to protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation,"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above,"

"The awesome me, Prussia!" Gilbert said as Francis pulled out another rose.

"Don't forget _moi, France~" _he purred, winking at the Brit who made gagging noises.

"We're the awesome Bad Touch Trio, and so much better than those other losers that we bet up to get these outfits!"

"So surrender now or prepare to fight~"

"What do you mean, 'fight'? Everyone knows _you_ can't fight," Arthur said, sneering at Francis who simply waved him off, "besides, you'd probably get your clothes dirty or something."

"And what do you mean by 'trio'? There are only two of you!" Alfred said, looking to the two as if they finally lost it; which in all respects, they probably did.

"Si, T-that's right!" Antonio said, panting as he came into view at last.

"Toni! There you are, man! We thought we lost you," Gilbert said as Francis eyed him over.

"Where is your outfit, _mon ami?_" he asked as Antonio tried to catch his breath.

"There were only two outfits since the third person was a cat, _mi amigo,"_

"...You have a point."

"Excuse me, but does this even have a point?" Alfred asked as the Brit snorted.

"It's _them,_ Alfred; of course they don't have a point!"

"That's not true, _mon cher!_ This does have a point; which is getting you into my bed tonight~" Francis purred, winking suggestively at Arthur before getting smacked in the face with a burnt scone.

"No one asked you, frog!"

"Will all of you shut up? This is so not awesome!" Gilbert exclaimed, glaring at the group. "We came here to challenge you to a battle! Not like you can win against my awesome," he added, sneering at the group below.

"A battle? You're on dude!" Alfred said, grinning as he reached for a pokeball, only to be stopped by Matthew.

"Um, Al; you left him out, remember?"

"...oh yeah, I did!" Alfred then coughed. "You're on, you crazy stalker who's also raping my poor innocent brother," he said as Matthew slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Alfred, he's not," he was then cut off by Alfred again.

"I choose you; CHINA!" The group was then joined by the last member of their group, jumping out of the bushes with a wok in hand.

"Aiya! I leave you for five minutes, and you leave without me, aru!" Yao said, glaring at the group.

"That's nice and all, but we have a battle going on," Alfred said, ignoring Yao as he pointed to the trio up in the tree.

"Oh not them again aru; I just saw them beating up a group of people minutes ago," Yao explained as Alfred rolled his eyes.

"We don't care! We have a battle to win!" Alfred declared, pointing towards the trio. "Now use pound!"

Yao sighed as he rushed at the group, leaping upwards and whacking Spain upside the head with his wok.

"Oow! That hurt!" Antonio whined, looking at Yao as he proceeded to beat up Francis.

"Damnit Toni; you're supposed to block it, then attack!" Gilbert said, growling at the Spaniard as Francis proceeded to bury Yao in roses, throwing them like darts but having all of them easily deflected by the giant wok.

"Awesome job! Keep pounding them, China!" Alfred called as the others watched from the sidelines.

"Why do we even bother with these things, eh?" Matthew asked as the Brit looked on.

"As long as the frog gets what's coming to him, then I don't care," Arthur replied as Francis fell onto the branch below with a rather loud thud.

"This isn't awesome! The awesome me _can't_ lose to some, un-awesome American!" Gilbert shouted in frustration as Yao turned towards him.

"Don't worry; I'll save you Gilbert!" Antonio chirped, pulling out a dozen tomatoes before noticing one with a tag on it. "Awe, it's from Romano!" Antonio cooed, holding it close as it started to tick.

"What's that ticking sound?" Francis asked, exchanging a look with Gilbert before both their eyes widened.

"Put it down Toni! It's going to explode!" Gilbert demanded as Antonio looked at him funny.

"It's just a tomato, _mi amigo._"

"One that's going to explode if you don't _put it down_!" Gilbert cried as Alfred gained an idea.

"Let's finish this China! Use Rapid Spin and aim for that tomato!" Alfred called as Yao hurled his wok at the trio, the object picking up speed as it rapidly sped towards Antonio.

"Shit, dodge it Toni!" Gilbert demanded a second too late as the wok hit its target, the tomato exploding upon contact and sending the trio flying.

"This is why you don't accept random shit from Ita-chan's brother!" Gilbert said, growling at the Spaniard.

"B-but he's cute! How could I possibly say no?" he cried as Francis sighed.

"I expected a more beautiful ending, like _L'Angleterre _falling into my arms as we experience our _l'amour,_" he said, sighing as Gilbert glared at him.

"Is sex all you ever think about Franny?" he asked, glaring as Francis gave him a perverted grin.

"Of course!"

"Figures"

"There's only one thing left to say you guys," Antonio said as the three exchanged looks.

"The Bad Touch Trio is blasting off again!" The three then disappeared into the distance with a ping, Alfred grinning the whole time.

"Once again, the hero saved the day!" Alfred exclaimed as Yao glared.

"What do you mean 'the hero saved the day'? I did all the work, aru!"

"Yeah, yeah, now let's get going!" Alfred said, ignoring the other as the group went on their way, Yao muttering about how he should've joined Kiku's team instead.

**Fin**


End file.
